I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sarcasm needs its own font
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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