y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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