If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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