Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
