I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
