i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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