I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
