my vag is so smooth its legendary
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
cat food counts as protein by the way
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
