He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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