I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
