Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
