Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
