Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
