I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
