I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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