Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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