good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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