I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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