no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
