she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
