woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
