Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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