guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
