Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
