Pants 0. Shit 1.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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