I could make wine with my vomit
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
