the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
last night I used snow as a chaser
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
