I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
