You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
