Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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