I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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