Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
