Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
