Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
