I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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