i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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