You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize