I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
