I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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