im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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