I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
