Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
