Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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