I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it's like heaven, but drunker
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
