Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Then you guys just all showered together...?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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