am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
