God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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