I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there's paper in my vomit.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
