whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
