Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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