Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
