I have demons in me.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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