i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You can't motorboat a personality
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
