I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
