Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
