...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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