I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Pants are for mortals
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
