are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
