Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
