Who did Billy Mays play for?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
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Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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