How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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