can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
