I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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