Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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