Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize