capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
