Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
