I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
