I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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