i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
