i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
