Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
