I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
