My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
