I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
