I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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